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cmherndon
05-11-2005, 09:47 PM
This is WAY off topic, but that's why it's in this forum. This is my dad's column from today's Anderson News. Reprinted here with permission.

Cat Day Celebration Should Be a Real Doozy

by John Herndon

You really can't blame Buffy, Mittens, or any of their feline friends if they couldn't get worked up over the Kentucky Derby Saturday.

Really now, is there any way the Run for the Roses can compete with National Keep Your Cat Indoors Day?

Excuse me while I put on my Garfield face. I can hardly wait.

Apparently, though, this coming Saturday could be a doozy of a celebration according toa press release I received from the Kentucky Department of Fish and Wildlife Resources.

The first paragraph reads, "Domestic cats that owners allow to roam free outdoors hunt and kill millions of birds and small mammals each year. The National Keep Your Cat Indoors Day on May 14, 2005 aims to raise awareness of this issue and to increase the quality of life for pets while benefiting wildlife."

We realize there are those who received this news with a gleeful, "This is the greatest thing to happen since Cracker Barrel started offering a veggie plate."

However, we believe the majority, after spewing their coffee, tea, or other drink upon hearing of such a day would reply with a resounding, "You ARE kidding, right?"

Uh, no.

So Saturday, while the Phillies are pounding Reds pitching-Maybe a Keep your Reds Pitcher Indoors day would be beneficial-I am sure I will feel guilty if I don't take time to celebrate National Keep Your Cat Indoors Day.

I am really trying to get in the spirit.

E-cards are super for the cheapskate in me and for the last two weeks, I have been contemplating sending one to Sylvester Saturday morning.

Alas, I am out of luck. Hallmark.com offers Sweetest Day, Tax Day, Friendshipday, and even has Groundhog Day cards. But there's nothing, nada for National Keep Your Cat Indoors Day. I am sure Sylvester will be crushed.

The press release went on to tout a poster contest for kids that should "depict a cat happy in its indoor environment."

Really? How can you tell if a cat is happy? Or sad? Or anything else?

But it's really too bad no one asked me for an idea. From experience, I would have several great suggestions.

How about Mr. Happy Indoors Cat waiting until I am 15 minutes into a comfortable nap, jumping on me, getting comfy and digging his claws just enough to make sure only one of us is sleeping.

Or maybe unrolling all the TP two days before you can pick up some more Charmin?

And of course, the happiest cat of all is the one that somehow gets wrapped around your ankles and sends a human crashing to the floor while Buffy looks innocent but is hysterically laughing on the inside.

Sure winners in my book.

Apparently, the idea of a landmark day such as this is to raise awareness of the plight of migratory birds. That's cool and I respect that.

At the same time though, when some birds flies around looking for my car, three minutes out of a $16.95 car wash-you get the idea, no other details necessary-I say, "Go get 'em, kitty!"

The release also said the day intends to "increase the quality of life for pets while benefiting wildlife."

Increase a cat's quality of life?

What could be better than a life cycle of sleep, eat, and annoy an unsuspecting human.

Come to think of it, my colleague Janie Bowen here at The Anderson News says that's the sports department's lifestyle.

Already, I can hear the protests to this column, so to save an occasional 37 cents, I'll go on and answer them.

"You know nothing about wildlife!"

Wrong! I went to see the Cubs in Wrigley Field several years back. And I miss hockey in Rupp Arena. I miss hockey anywhere for that matter.

"Birds face dangers from Cats!

Uh, not as long as Bobby Petrino and Rich Brooks are on the sidelines.

"Cats destroy rodents and small animals!"

The same small animals and rodents that a.) feasted in the last garden I had b.) tunnel through my yard and c.) thought the several tons of corn I had was for them, not the cattle I used to raise.

Somewhere, there's some hard-working state worker that, just for keeping a straight face upon completing his assignment deserves a.) a raise b.) a life or c.) both.

I guess there can be some good things to come out of such a celebration. Natural resources experts can explain that a lot better than me.

But excuse me if my excitement level for National Keep Your Cat Indoors Day isn't what it should be.

I have curling to watch on ESPN.

ssw9662
05-12-2005, 04:21 AM
LOL, my cats are indoor cats anyway. :-)

RJSorensen
05-14-2005, 03:15 AM
I kept "Who Lee O "in today . . . hope this helps . . . lol.